Loss

"Is there any feeling you understand better? Losing people and missing them - that's what your life consists of."
"The heart was a weak, changeable thing, bent on nothing but love, and there could be no more fatal mistake than to make it your master." (both quotes from "Inkdeath")

That pretty much sums up my life, my world, my heart, my feelings. It makes it unbearable to say goodbye, even for just a little while. It's not forever, there is no death this time, it's just hard and I'm sick of missing people.

And then I wonder why I cry so often. I'm tired of holding it in, but no one really seems to understand or have the patience to put up with me when sometimes I just can't get the words to come out right or I just feel sad or whatever the case may be. (Of course, you are the exception.)

"It weeps, it bleeds, and each new day a gash is added to her wounds." (Macbeth) That's my heart. That's what it feels like. How long is a short time? How long is a few months? How long is a year? How long is eternity?

But God is right there. I've felt Him so strongly in the past week that it is incredible! Even a week ago I was right there with you. I could laugh and enjoy life even more. But now only one aspect remains; no, two: God is still there and He will never leave me and I will never have to say even a small goodbye to Him; and the memories will get me through.

I'm not alone. God is here beside me, in my heart and in my mind. How bad can it be?